McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
The Crippling Anxiety On The West Coast Is Just As Good As The Crippling Anxiety In New York
My Child’s Imaginary Friend Is A Podcast
Even Though The House Is On Fire, We Are Finishing This Game Of Madden
I Will Vote For Whoever Sends Anthony Bourdain To The Moon To Try Moon Cuisine
I Only Bought An iPhone To Watch The Apps Wiggle
There Would Be No More Gun Violence If We Got Rid Of Hands
I Don’t Like Wile E. Coyote, But I Understand His Desire To Murder Flightless Birds
Splitsider’s Humor Section
I’m Tired Of Being Cast As Young Russell Crowe
Before We Rob This House, Let’s Play Some Skeeball
Funny or Die
Richard Linklater Orders A Sandwich
The Biggest Differences Between The Game of Thrones Books & TV Series
Someecards (of the 100-plus cards I’ve written as a contributor, here are some favorites)
Happy National Margarita Day to someone who is a lot of fun but gives me a headache.
Here’s to Iowa and a groundhog on attempting to predict our level of future misery.
You put the erotic in neurotic.
Here’s to Donald Trump for refusing to be politically correct or correct in general.
Sorry our busy schedules haven’t given us any time to break up.
Putting his decision in writing is a great way for LeBron to make sure the people of Florida don’t find out for awhile.
I’m impressed by your ability to make reckless decisions even when you’re sober.
We should reconnect so you can see that I’m not fat anymore.
Our genitalia should get back in touch.
The only 100% effective form of birth control is having my social skills.
Let’s make the tree in our living room watch one of its kind burn in our fireplace.
Let’s celebrate the only illegal immigrant in history that Republicans respect.
You’re that girl who removes her glasses and everyone suddenly realizes you’re just as weird as you were before.
I want to awkwardly share a bathroom with you for the rest of my life.
The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl (est. 1899, Editor-in-Chief from 2011-2013)
Punch Bowl Print Magazines
Spring 2013 “Through The Ages” Issue
Spring 2012 Punch Bowl Jr. Issue
Winter 2012 For Her/For Him Issue
Punch Bowl Online Articles
50 Songs Titles That Sound Like Lame Superhero Names
Ocelot: A Secret Freshmen Society
The Greatest, Most Comprehensive News Story About Joe Biden As Commencement Speaker Ever
Ravens Book Super Bowl Trip to New Orleans; Unable to Find Hotel Rooms
Alumnus Me Asks Questions on Homecoming
The Founding of The Punch Bowl
Ten Things That Philip Rivers and Rick Santorum Have in Common
The Oscars Game/Academy All-Stars Live Blog 2012
The High Holy Summit of Reality Music Competition
Hey Arnold! A Trip to the Hat Shop
Things That Need To Change In College Sports: Part 9 of 12
Hot Dogageddon 2011: Minute by Minute Analysis
The Successful Green Lantern Cover Letter
Yale Ph.D. Student Wins “Anyone Can Host” Oscars Contest
Seven Obscurities By Sam: Reality TV and Game Shows
A Centenarian’s Synopsis: The Harry Potter Seven
A Centenarian’s Synopsis: The Social Network