Writing

McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

The Crippling Anxiety On The West Coast Is Just As Good As The Crippling Anxiety In New York

List: The Seven Sins Of Man

My Child’s Imaginary Friend Is A Podcast

Even Though The House Is On Fire, We Are Finishing This Game Of Madden

Above Average

I Will Vote For Whoever Sends Anthony Bourdain To The Moon To Try Moon Cuisine

I Only Bought An iPhone To Watch The Apps Wiggle

There Would Be No More Gun Violence If We Got Rid Of Hands

I Don’t Like Wile E. Coyote, But I Understand His Desire To Murder Flightless Birds

Splitsider’s Humor Section

I’m Tired Of Being Cast As Young Russell Crowe

Before We Rob This House, Let’s Play Some Skeeball

The Siren’s Song Of Pie

Funny or Die

Richard Linklater Orders A Sandwich

The Biggest Differences Between The Game of Thrones Books & TV Series

Someecards (of the 100-plus cards I’ve written as a contributor, here are some favorites)

Happy National Margarita Day to someone who is a lot of fun but gives me a headache.

Here’s to Iowa and a groundhog on attempting to predict our level of future misery.

You put the erotic in neurotic. 

Here’s to Donald Trump for refusing to be politically correct or correct in general. 

Sorry our busy schedules haven’t given us any time to break up.

Putting his decision in writing is a great way for LeBron to make sure the people of Florida don’t find out for awhile.

I’m impressed by your ability to make reckless decisions even when you’re sober. 

We should reconnect so you can see that I’m not fat anymore. 

Our genitalia should get back in touch. 

The only 100% effective form of birth control is having my social skills. 

Let’s make the tree in our living room watch one of its kind burn in our fireplace.

Let’s celebrate the only illegal immigrant in history that Republicans respect. 

You’re that girl who removes her glasses and everyone suddenly realizes you’re just as weird as you were before.

I want to awkwardly share a bathroom with you for the rest of my life. 

The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl (est. 1899, Editor-in-Chief from 2011-2013)

Punch Bowl Print Magazines

Spring 2013 “Through The Ages” Issue 

Winter 2013 Issue

Election 2012 Issue

Fall 2012 Music Issue

Spring 2012 Punch Bowl Jr. Issue

Winter 2012 For Her/For Him Issue

Homecoming 2011 Issue

Fall 2011 Games Issue

Punch Bowl Online Articles

50 Songs Titles That Sound Like Lame Superhero Names

Ocelot: A Secret Freshmen Society

The Greatest, Most Comprehensive News Story About Joe Biden As Commencement Speaker Ever

A Letter From Paul Newman

Ravens Book Super Bowl Trip to New Orleans; Unable to Find Hotel Rooms

Buying a New Mayan Calendar

Alumnus Me Asks Questions on Homecoming

Pre-Season Meal Predictions

My First Cartoon

Suggestions for Cain TV

Amare’s Back

The Founding of The Punch Bowl

Ten Things That Philip Rivers and Rick Santorum Have in Common

The Oscars Game/Academy All-Stars Live Blog 2012

The High Holy Summit of Reality Music Competition

The Voice in My Head

Hey Arnold! A Trip to the Hat Shop

A Very Tron Holiday!

The Boogaloo

Things That Need To Change In College Sports: Part 9 of 12

Gin and Platonic

My Future in Odd Future

Hot Dogageddon 2011: Minute by Minute Analysis

The Successful Green Lantern Cover Letter

Smurf and Turf

A Comparison Orange

It’s Not Easy Being Sheen

Yale Ph.D. Student Wins “Anyone Can Host” Oscars Contest

A Packers Fan FAQ

A Future History Exam

Artist X

Seven Obscurities By Sam: Reality TV and Game Shows

A Centenarian’s Synopsis: The Harry Potter Seven

A Closer Look: Hemosexuals

Punch Band

The Toast Throw

A Centenarian’s Synopsis: The Social Network

A Review of Avatar

Haterade: The Break-Up

 

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